Spishak

Spishak is a fictitious corporation created by Patton Oswalt, which advertises their products in commercial parodies on MADtv. The first Spishak product was their brand of margerine, and was aired in the Season 1 finale (Ep. 19.) Their product line is always ill-conceived, unpractical and unrealistic, and usually dangerous, but some products have been successful.

Early sketches

Early Spishak products typically are the sort of ordinary product you might actually purchase in real life, but always fails to work properly (for example, Namprin pain reliever, which made headaches worse.)

Later sketches

In later sketches, however, products are either extremely simple products that are hideously overpriced (a "Palm Captain 3000," a simple paper handheld notebook that is advertised in a parody of the electronic notebook, and costing in the hundreds of dollars,) or utterly ill-conceived disasters aimed to fill a need that does not exist (a giant bug zapper to kill deer, to combat the common problem of deer entering one's backyard and stealing your children.)

Deteriorating quality of commericals

Some of the early Spishak Product commercials (such as those for Namprin) were reasonably well acted and written. As later skits were made, however, it became clear that the writing, acting and production values for Spishak commercials had deteriorated drastically (presumably as a result of the company's financial troubles due to constantly putting out poor products.) Actors would speak stilted, poorly written dialogue (when "Excuses, Excuses, Excuses, Excuses '98", a product intended to supply one with excuses to fool your boss and get off of work, debuted, the character playing the boss answered the phone, "Hello. Boss speaking. Marshall, is that you? You are not at your work! What is your excuse?!") A skit might begin with a character lamenting the lack of a certain product: "Isn't there an oven that doesn't rely on such dangerous means of convection?" Typically, the pause would last uncomfortably long, before the Spishak spokeman came in, usually with a phrase that didn't match the question that had been asked, such as, "Well, now you can, with new Spishak [Product]!" The acting was GeneRally as stilted as the dialogue. Like an Ed Wood movie, filming would continue even when obvious errors occurred; if an actor or actress seriously injured herself, filming would continue even as he or she continued to bleed on-camera.

Other fictitious suppliers for MADtv

Spishak is one of several fictitious suppliers on the show---the others are Toolco and Skaiser Permanente from the Paul Timberman's Workshop sketches. Oswalt wrote most of the sketches involving Spishak, many of which share a near identical kitchen set, and end with a trademark Spishak jingle. There have been three Spishak spokesmen, David Herman, Pat Kilbane and Josh Meyers (in at least one instance, Bryan Callen was seen selling Spishak products).

Retirement?

The 2006-2007 season, there have been no Spishak commercials, hinting that the ads have been retired.

Product line

Past products include:

• Namprin and Extra Strength Namprin Plus - OTC painkiller medicine that makes headaches worse and is over-effective, respectively.

• Backdoor dinners - Designed to eliminate the "complicated" process of chewing. Products include suppositurkeys (Which includes dressing, brussel sprouts, mashed potatoes, etc.), suppastatories, suppasta primaveratories, suppositortillas, supposibobs, and of suppiesitories in sweet potato, pumpkin, and boston creme. Available without a prescription at grocery stores. The slogan was "So good you'll wish you could taste them."

• Ugly, Fat, and Stupid Hat - Product designed exclusively for fat, ugly, stupid people that looks like a bowler derby. An infant version looks like a beanie with a propellor On It.

• Supersops - Cheap paper towels that fall apart.

• Ultra Super w/ XP-21 - Dirt/grease/brain-stain remover; Spishak's first completely successful product.

• Spishak's Food & Drink Combination Products, Peanut Butter & Jelly, Coffee & Donut, Coffee & Bagel, Coffee & Cigarette, Pizza & Beer, (uncooked) Egg & Ham, Milk & Cereal and Beans and Grapes.

• Meatbeaters - Meatless powder meat substitute, where all you do is add water to the powder, beat it and bake. Repeat beating the meat as much as necessary.

• Wonder Rake 5000 - A rake with unmatched "Super Folding Action" with patented "Sliding Lock System," that is perfect for picking up leaves, weeds, grass, plant cuttings, peat moss, sticks & twigs, crab grass, small branches, medium-sized branches, cut sunflowers, pine cones, dirt, tulips, garbage, wet garbage, wet leaves, rose clippings, hay, wet hay, beehives, dandelions, oak nuts, catepillar cocoons, tree bark, green rock moss, wood chips, rocks, pebbles, miscellaneous rocks, feathers, pine trimmings, light branches, branches with leaves, light branches with leaves, light branches with wet leaves, pine cones, dead flowers, pine needles, pine cones, cherry blossoms, tumbleweeds, 200 pencils, bricks, lilacs, berries, lilac-berry mix, pine cones, dried out grass, wet dried out grass, tangled undergrowth, air, bird's nest and anvil.

• Gangsta-shop Quartet from Spishak Records - Music for on-the-go-businessmen who like gangsta rap but also barbershop quartets.

• Orange Juice - As seen in the 3-minute "PAX TV-edited" version of The Sopranos.

• Clinton Presidency Collector Plates from Spishak Collectibles - A full collection of hand crafted commemorative plates that engrave Clinton's wildest escapades; the latest set is called "The Impeachment."

• Tee-Hee-Hee Shirts for Toddlers - Insulting and insensitive yet comedic t-shirts for babies.

• Authentic Home Movie Theater Experience, Girl - All the glamour of a movie theater, but fit for your house.

• Yule Blazers - Plutonium-based Christmas lights that don't run on electricity and work forever; but have some undesirable side effects.

• Ride-along Racer 2001 - A toy car "from the future" that attaches directly to the parent's car with 12 bolts in the driver's side door; includes the real speed and obstacles of driving on a real street.

• Omni-Bowl - A universal bowl, that is fit for both cereal AND pasta! With a demanding price of $8000, Spishak offers it for $400. You'll never need cereal OR pasta bowls again!

• Bris-o-Tine - A guillotine-style home-bris system that sells for just $19.95; also cuts carrots, bananas, salami and solid titanium steel rods. Must be switched back to Bris setting after using other settings to prevent painful, undesired results.

• Mach 20 - A 20-blade razor that gives you "the closest shave of your life"; the first four blades cut the hair, the fifth digs below the first layer of skin and hair follicle, the sixth takes off more skin and any "renegade hair follicles", the seventh takes off six more layers of skin, ensuring the hair will never grow back, the eighth sends an electric pulse to the brain to stop hair growth and four other "non-essential functions," the ninth smooths out the jaw bone, the tenth removes cavity-causing tartar, and the eleventh repeats the entire process.

• Spishak Spishwax - Car wax that protects only from water, works under a principle that's "hard to understand, but easy to apply;" does not protect car from other items, such as Easter eggs, Easter rocks, baseball bats, Jewish weddings, wrecking balls, paint, shampoo, conditioner, tar, feathers, bird droppings, Christmas decorations, sandwiches, eggs, scrambled eggs, cinder blocks, chicken and dumplings, sledgehammers, wood stain, bottled mahogany wood stain, boat anchors, and bowling balls.

• Dolls with Balls - No need to explain that.

• Once a Year Maxipad - super bulky Maxipads that you don't have to change for a year; fits flushly with your body

• Excuses Excuses Excuses Excuses 98 and Lady Excuses Excuses Excuses Excuses 98- A tape player box that spits out an excuse when you urgently need one, to get you out of school, work or church; excuses include "blood in your stool" and "lady's polio."

• Turbohaler, Turbopeep and Turbowave - Spishak's "Turbo" line of self-health products, curing nasal congestion, poor eyesight and constipation, respectively. Each product uses a curiously identical looking gun, with the Turbohaler shooting sinus relieving menthol way, way, way, way up your nose; the Turbopeep using an eye-altering laser, accurate within 1/8 of an inch from your iris (with a slight red discoloration); and the Turbowave, a tiny, semi-automatic enema packing 38 calibers of colonic relief, uses a glycerin supposirocket that "washes your troubles away." All three are only sold at firearm dealers.

• Snoorfpk - A spoon/fork combination

• Spishak Cola - A cola that taste testers consider to be awful.

• Margarine

• Baby Blaster

• Drowzamine

• Country Sausage

• Slap Happy - ???

• Cholestra - A fat substitute that has 10% less anal leakage than the leading fat substitute; not a true conformed Spishak product, however, the commercial uses the Spishak jingle

• Hey, It's Ovens for Kids! - A new kind of toy oven for kids, that runs on clean burning NATURAL gas rather than a lightbulb, with none of that "strange electric taste"

• Bug Zapper, Only the Bugs are Deer Instead! -A special kind of giant bug zapper that eliminates deer instead of bugs

• Palm Captain 3000 - simple paper handheld notebook that is advertised in a parody of the electronic notebook, and costing in the hundreds of dollars. includes a pencil with eraser. Name is a parody of Palm Pilot.