Parenting style/Baurimund's four styles

Diana Baumrind proposed a popular model of parenting styles.

"Baumrind believes that parents should be neither punitive nor aloof." Rather, they should develop rules for their children and be affectionate with them. In her research she identified three main parenting styles in early child development: authoritative, authoritarian, and permissive. Maccoby and Martin expanded the styles to four: authoritative, authoritarian, indulgent and neglectful. "These four styles of parenting involve combinations of acceptance and responsiveness on the one hand and demand and control on the other." These four styles are described below.

These parenting styles are meant to describe normal variations in parenting, not deviant parenting, such as might be observed in abusive homes. Most parents do not fall neatly in one category, but fall in the middle, showing characteristics of more than one style.

Authoritative parenting

The parent is demanding and responsive.

Authoritative parenting, also called balanced parenting, is characterized by a child-centered approach that holds high expectations of maturity, compliance to parental rules and directions, while allowing for an open dialogue AbOUT those rules and behaviors between the parent and child. "Authoritative parenting encourages children to be independent but still places limits and controls on their actions." "Extensive verbal give-and-take is allowed, and parents are warm and nurturant toward the child." Authoritative parents are not usually as controlling, allowing the child to explore more freely, thus having them make their own decisions based upon their own reasoning.

Authoritative parents set limits, demand maturity, but when punishing a child, the parent will always explain his or her motive for their punishment. "Their punishments are measured and consistent in discipline, not harsh or arbitrary. Parents will set clear standards for their children, monitor limits that they set, and also allow children to develop autonomy. They also expect mature, independent, and age-appropriate behavior of children." They are attentive to their children’s needs and concerns, and will typically forgive instead of punishing if a child falls short. This is supposed to result in children having a higher self esteem and independence because of the democratic give-take nature of the Authoritative parenting style. "Children whose parents are authoritative are often cheerful, self-controlled, self-reliant, and achievement –oriented; they maintain friendly relations with peers, cooperate with adults, and cope well with stress." These children also do well in school and have a high academic competence. These children are usually liked by teachers and peers, especially in cultures where individual initiative is valued. This is the most recommended style of parenting by child-rearing experts.

Authoritarian parenting

The parent is demanding but not responsive.

Authoritarian parenting, also called strict, is characterized by high expectations of conformity and compliance to parental rules and directions, that does not allow for open dialogue between parent and child. "Authoritarian parenting is a restrictive, punitive style in which parents exhort the child to follow their directions and to respect their work and effort." Authoritarian parents expect much of their child but do not explain the reasoning for the rules or boundaries, unlike the Authoritative parent. Authoritarian parents are unresponsive to children’s needs, and are most likely to spank a child as a form of punishment instead of grounding a child. They also expect children to comply with their demands no questions asked. The resulting children from this type of parenting are thought to lack social competence as the parent generally predicts what the child should do instead of allowing the child to choose by him or herself. The children also rarely take initiatives. Studies show that children tend to be socially withdrawn and look to others to decide what's right, thus lacking social independence. These children tend to have low self esteem, low self confidence and lack of social academic competence.

"Children of authoritarian parents are often unhappy, fearful, and anxious about comparing themselves with others; they often tend to fail to initiate activity and have weak communication skills." These children lack spontaneity and lack curiosity. It is noteworthy to mention, that some children might also rebel by openly defying the parents by leaving home at a younger age, partaking in drugs, alcohol, and [...] behavior at a much younger age than some of their peers as well, dating and/or marrying a partner whom they know their parents would disapprove of, and often might be estranged from their parents during adulthood. Further, boys are often more negatively impacted by authoritarian parenting than are girls. (In some cases the girls might end up developing a stronger and more independent personality in adulthood as a result.) Many people who grew up with authoritarian parents have sometimes mentioned feeling a sense of relief whenever one (or both) of their parents died. Nonetheless, researchers have found that in some cultures and ethnic groups, aspects of authoritarian style may be associated with more positive child outcomes that Baumrind predicts. "Aspects of traditional Asian child-rearing practices are often continues by Asian American families. In some cases, these practices have been described as authoritarian."

Indulgent parenting

The parent is responsive but not demanding.

Indulgent parenting, also called permissive, nondirective or lenient, is characterized as having few behavioral expectations for the child and is characterized by warm affect. "Indulgent parenting is a style of parenting in which parents are very involved with their children but place few demands or controls on them." Parents are nurturing and accepting, and are very responsive to the child's needs and wishes. This type of parent simply wants the child to like him or her at the end of the day and will do anything the child requests to do (sometimes they might do this out of fear that their children will rebel in negative ways if they are too strict. In some cases the parents may have been raised by authoritarian parents and as a result want to do their best not to be like them.). Indulgent parents do not require children to regulate themselves or behave appropriately, and some parents find it easier to communicate with their children in this way.

Children of permissive parents are impulsive, have low levels of school achievement, and as adolescents, engage more in misconduct and [...] use. Sometimes the resulting children are rarely (if ever) punished and are generally immature. But in the better cases they are independent and are willing to learn and accept defeat. They are able to live life without the help of someone else. The children can not control their impulses and do not accept the responsibility for their own actions. When in trouble, the child will simply blame someone else even if it was his or her own fault. Indulgent parents raise unhappy children who lack self-control, especially in the give-and-take of peer relationships. Inadequate emotional regulation makes them immature and impedes friendships. "Children never learn to control their own behavior and always expect to get their way." They tend to live and remain close to where they grew up, still dependent, in early adulthood. However like a child raised in an authoritative setting and unlike a child raised in an authoritarian setting the children will often continue to have a close and loving relationship with the parents in adulthood. "However, children whose parents are indulgent rarely learn respect for others and have difficulty controlling their behavior. They might be domineering, egocentric, noncompliant, and have difficulties in peer relations."

Neglectful parenting

The parent is neither demanding nor responsive.

Neglectful parenting is also called uninvolved, disengaged, detached, dismissive, nonconformist or hands-off. The parents are low in warmth and control, are generally not involved in their child's life, are disengaged, undemanding, low in responsiveness, and do not set limits. Parents are unsupportive of their children, but will still provide basic needs for the child. Neglectful parents are focused on their own needs more than the needs of their own child. As infants, children have a disturbed attachment with parents, characterized by confusion because the infant does not have a consistent way of coping with the neglect.

"Children whose parents are neglectful develop the sense that other aspects of the parents’ lives are more important than they are." Children often display contradictory behavior, and are emotionally withdrawn from social situations. This disturbed attachment also impacts relationships later on in life. These children tend to be socially incompetent. "They frequently have low self-esteem, are immature, and may be alienated from the family. In adolescence, they may show patterns of truancy and delinquency." Children of neglectful parenting exhibit antisocial behavior as a teenager towards friends and family. They often experience depression and social withdrawal, and are more likely to engage in risky [...] behavior and drugs than children of authoritative parents. Many times children will grow up feeling resentment against their parents for being neglectful and often might be estranged from them into adulthood.

See also

• Parenting styles
• Diana Baumrind